So Here We Are
by SoContagious
Summary: He was standing a good ten feet away from them with his wornout sneakers and wide eyes. Sarah could see that he was trembling slightly, but whom did she fool? The gun shaking in her hands betrayed her every feeling.


**Title: **So Here We Are

**Summary: **It was the material Sarah's nightmares were made of.

**Rating: **PG-13 (for insinuated violence)

**Note:** A one-shot. Set sometime in the future. And no, I really don't want to see this happening on the show, but I was in the mood for some angst ;). Lyrics at the end are from "Insomnia" by Electric President.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything. I'm writing this purely for entertainment and I am making no profit with this.

* * *

It was the material Sarah's nightmares were made of. 

With Bryce and Casey on either side of her, she stood, her gun firmly trained on the target, tears streaming down her face. He was standing a good ten feet away from them with his worn-out sneakers and wide eyes. Sarah could see that he was trembling slightly, but whom did she fool? The gun shaking in her hands betrayed her every feeling.

In the distance, she could see their cars coming closer before coming to a halt. More than twenty armed men stepped out of the vehicles – Sarah, Bryce and Casey were ridiculously outnumbered. They were going to take him, no question. They would take Chuck and torture him, trying to drain every last government secret from his head and then leave him to die. Or kill him on the spot as soon as they had what they wanted.

"Sarah, do it." Casey spoke next to her, and a sob racketed through her body.

Chuck looked so frightened, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. His head was whipping around to the terrorists walking up behind him, and then back to the three guns aimed at him from the front by the people sworn to protect him. His tousled curls were dancing in the wind and his usually bright brown eyes were dull with fear, making Sarah's stomach turn to ice. She closed her eyes firmly for a moment, trying to still her trembling hands and wishing for this all to go away, to become unreal. When she would look again, she told herself, this would all have been a dream. They would NOT standing on the side of a desert highway and she would NOT have the order to kill him to avoid the intersect falling into terrorists' hands as the very last mission of her assignment. She would not.

When she opened her eyes, everything was still the same.

* * *

_Reassig__n__ments__ generally didn't use to feel like this. Sarah had been reassigned plenty of time__s__ in her career, it was common practice in the CIA. Faces had to be interchanged once in a while to avoid suspicion, agents had to be replaced or relocated__, assignments needed to be specified and experts deployed__. This time though, she was __left sitting on her bed__staring __into space__, her new passport and the envelope with all the necessary documents and information next to her, untouched._

_The problem wasn't that she was lacking dedication for her job, she still loved it. Loved the adrenaline rush, loved the feeling of power coursing through her, the accomplishment, the knowledge she was actually making a difference in the world.__ The problem wasn't her partner.__ Casey and she had to work through some rough __patches__ before becoming coordinated, but they were a team now. It wasn't that she liked the city too much, sure L.A. was a great place, but she had been to other corners of the world__, which had been__ far more exciting._

_Sarah's problem__ had started when she__ had__ first looked__into__ a pair of warm coffee-brown eyes, alight with affection__ and a lopsided, goofy smile that sent bursts of energy down her spine. _

* * *

Those same eyes were staring at her right now, bugging with fear and she knew that Chuck felt betrayed. Of all the people, he had never expected her to be the one holding the gun in the end.

* * *

_The knock on the door startled her__. She slowly stood up from the bed, feeling for her __weapon__, before she quietly approached the front door. She w__as not expecting any company so it was only natural for her to go into alarm-mode__ Looking through the peephole, her heart began racing as she spotted a lanky form shuffling in front of her door. Her body betrayed her as she reached for the doorknob, shaking__ uncontrollably. She opened the door with a little more force than she intended, startling them both._

_Neither of them spoke. For the longest time they just looked at each other._

_"Casey told me." Chuck said quietly, breaking the silence. Sarah just nodded, her gaze never leaving his face. Was he worth changing? Was he worth staying?_

_"I…" he began before trailing off again.__ He looked at her for a long moment, taking her in. Sarah felt strangely vulnerable and looked to her feet._

_"I don't know what to feel, Sarah." The words were expelled in a rush, breathy a__nd clustered together. She looked up at those__ words. "It's just… when Casey told me today that you were __leaving,__ it felt like the ground was pulled away underneath my feet. And I know I shouldn't feel this way, I know. But I do. It's like you cannot resist making me feel." He laughed lightly at his words, and Sarah found that it was becoming harder and harder to breathe around him._

_"It's j__ust… you know, one day someone walks into your life and you __realize why it never worked out with anybody else__ before__. And for me… that someone is you. And I know I barely know you at all__, but I… I just want to be with you. And I wish you would stay. Because I think that this – us – could actually be something and __I know that it's going to be hard, and I know we will have to find a new way to make it work every day, but __the truth is… that I have never fallen so hard. And it's not because I am confused and dazed about all the new craziness in my life. I am, but this is real. I think I have more feelings for you than any other guy ever will."_

_The tears were burning in her eyes and befor__e she knew, she __had flung herself__ in__to__ his arms_

_And she knew, knew that he was worth it. Was worth staying, was worth changing. He was worth everything. Because the truth was, she just wanted a little piece__ of happiness for herself__. A nice song to slow dance to in the living room, a good book in bed, the smell of Chuck's shampoo in her hair after spending the night, a letter from a college friend maybe, three spoons of sugar in her coffee, the soft skin of __Chuck's palms against her face and being able to cuddle into__ his warmth in the morning when sleeping in. _

_She was so grateful that he was such a stubborn fool sometimes._

_A forceful grip interrupted her thoughts and __made her gasp, and then he was holding her tight against him, pressing kisses all over her moist face._

_"I'm sorry that-" she breathed__ out_

_"__Just shut up.__" he said and pulled her lips to his__. She kissed __back __eagerly and felt __him __smile against her mouth and then he half-carried, half-walked her __through the door and __back into the apartment.__ Sarah hadn't felt this happy in a long time._

* * *

"Sarah!"

Bryce's shout cut through the air. "Do it! Do it now or I will be the one to do it!"

The terrorists were coming closer and she knew this was it. There wasn't really a choice. She had to take out Chuck first and thereby if already not sparing his life, at least spare him from meeting his end in a dingy torture chamber. She didn't really care what would happen to herself, Casey or Bryce afterwards. The only thing that mattered was the trembling man in front of her, rocking back on his heels, twisting his body around to look at her again.

Their eyes met.

She could see the realization washing over Chuck, dawning in his eyes. He closed them for a moment and when he opened them again, something in his gaze had hardened. He squared his shoulders.

"Sarah, do it." He didn't completely manage to keep the tremor out of his voice, but she didn't care. He was trying to be brave about this and she wasn't going to deny him this.

She raised her gun again, the tears spilling down her cheeks. She watched as he fidgeted with his hands and then bit his lip. The small action brought memories to her mind and, most surprisingly. There was nothing left to loose and she was free to do what she wanted. It wasn't like any of them were going to come out of this alive.

Finally, she could tell him something true about herself.

She smiled at him through all the tears, that bright smile of hers that he had kissed countless times that night.

"I love you, Chuck."

She heard Casey's sharp intake of breath and from the corner of her eyes, she could see Bryce turning his head to stare. It really didn't matter to her anymore. She gripped her gun tighter and told him again. "I love you so much."

The footsteps of the terrorists were becoming audible, so close they were already. Casey was growing increasingly agitated beside her, while Bryce was apparently still trying to figure out what just happened. Chuck simply looked at her for what seemed like the longest time. She thought everything was already too late, when he finally spoke.

"I love you too." He said. "Since the very first time I saw you." Warmth was flooding Sarah's entire body. He smiled at her, that sad, little, awkward half-smile she loved. It was enough to sustain her for what was to come.

"I love you, Sarah."

And then, she fired.

* * *

_"And I hope you're learning to listen,_

_and I hope you're learning to stay._

_And I hope you find what you're missing,_

_and I hope that you're on your way._

_I'm a headcase if I don't keep moving,_

_and my head hurts if I don't sit still._

_It's an itch I will never stop scratching,_

_it's a hole I will never quite fill."_

THE END.


End file.
